Tag Archives: future

One Thing

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There’s something called Curly’s Law, which you can use to succeed in anything. It’s simple, really: Do One Thing.

Unfortunately, I’m not very good at doing one thing.

This is an understatement. Even when I sit still to think my life out, I can only bring it down to three to five items. They are as follows: Dance, Game, Restaurant, Languages, and Act.

Dance, because I don’t think I can stop. Game because I want to start a video game company. Restaurant because I want to open some sort of concept restaurant. Languages because I enjoy learning languages. Acting because there is a grievous mark on my soul. However, the main focus are the first three.

I sat down and meditated to figure this out after I went on a walkabout/dancestroll. I was distracted by how cool I thought I looked XD – we are on the outskirts of a storm, winds were whipping my bandanna around, and I was meditating on a concrete outcropping.

Peacock.

But all in all, it was productive. I’m rethinking my teaching English in Korea after I graduate. I don’t think it fits with any of my goals, or teaches me anything I can use to reach them better. Instead, I might run away to California to work for In-N-Out Burger and dance with the crews out there. That is, if I’m good enough. I just have to fit the video games in somehow…

I guess there is just One Thing I can be good at – Life, and loving it. I can’t help but feel it’s all up from here.

Strings

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A professor of mine here at the University of Illinois was explaining the idea of guanxi today, basically pulling strings and using friends or relationships to get what you want. I’ve felt a lot of strings pulling me lately, but I haven’t been using guanxi.

I feel the strings of a better me pulling me from where I am to where I could be, and I see myself constantly cutting them, constantly letting them down.

Everyone important to me sees someone else in me. It’s easier that way, I think, but also somehow disappointing. I don’t want to be thought of as someone else. I don’t want to be held up to another person’s standards. I don’t want to fail another rubric. I don’t want…

…to try any harder? To do even just what’s expected of me? To be any less selfish?

For too long, I have associated responsibility, authority, and failure with fear. “I’m not afraid of failing,” I’d say. “I’m not afraid of anything you do to me,” I’d say. “I’m not afraid of letting anyone down, even myself. I’ve…gotten used to it…”

I think I have to stop thinking about fear. Because it’s cutting the strings that are pulling me up.